Alan Rickman and John Malkovich... Holding hands?

I have done countless doodles for the adoring fans of fredflare.com... I already complained that I wanted someone to ask me to draw something interesting for a change... My friends, my wish came true.

Click on the picture to expand. I think it's my finest work to date. I wanted to title it 'Action movie Hell' but I would probably have gotten fired. My co-worker Larry recommended the title 'Con-Hard.' That just sounded too dirty. I hope you like it!

-Mo

On LOST 5x01/02

I had to write a recap of the first two episodes of LOST season 5 for my work blog. It's on fredflare.com right now (that's where I work, in case you didn't know)

But what I didn't get to detail about, in my reader friendly recap, was how much respect I have for the writers and creators of the show. Surprisingly, I went into Season 5 with mixed emotions. It's hard to get excited about a show that has been so constantly good. I half-expected to be disappointed (guess that shows what kind of person I am...) Not disappointed in the sense that I thought it would be bad, but from a story teller's perspective, I could not for the life of me see what they were going to do this season, and keep the momentum they had built in the seasons past.

I was completely floored by the direction they took. It was unexpected, it was thrilling, and it was completely focused. I am so impressed. Lost has raised my expectations every year, and I'm sure I will be afraid this time next year, but hopefully I can re-read this and remind myself that there are talented story tellers out there still.

I'm gushing over a TV show. Seriously? Give me a break. I am excited by the strangest things, not to mention I am becoming a social recluse. But, at least I'm a recluse who might try making chicken curry tomorrow night, so that I might make it for others someday. That's forward thinking, right? Right? Ugh.

-Mo

on Woody Allen

I've never considered myself neurotic. But 25 year old Mohamed Shafeek Jr. has double the amount of baggage as 23 year old Mohamed Shafeek Jr. At this rate... I will be a raging lunatic at 40. I am not insecure, but I am internalized. I have hang ups, and I have trouble letting go. I have become slightly insensitive to other peoples problems, or rationalizations of their morality. I have also become less obsessed with making sure all of my valuable assets (read: friends) are all resting comfortably on their mantle for me to display and any given moment. Don't get me wrong, I love them (you) all, but I've considered myself a bit of a collector my whole life... I mean, you've seen my DVD and CD collection. I think that might extend beyond the plastic disc realm. I have less to prove to most people, but here I am writing a novel trying to prove to myself that I can do it.

What's wrong with me? I'm sorry, I know I just barge in here and start talking about myelf, but I have to talk to someone... I haven't left my apartment to be social in almost three weeks. I am getting pretty sick of talking to myself. I hope you don't mind me unloading all of this on to you. I didn't think you would.

See that's why I like you, The Internet. You are so forgiving. I mean, you see so many things everyday... all of humanities flaws, and miracles. You host videos of 3 year old girls dancing to 'Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)' on youtube, and you don't judge that more people have watched it than videos... of substance! That's subjective, I know... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know i've been going through a pretty rough time these past few months, and I don't really think anyone could benefit from having me in their life right now... I have some real deal shit to sort out... but I think I need to take a lesson from you. I need to just accept the way the world works: not because I'm forced to, but because I am a product of the world. A sum of what people choose to output, not keep in.

You don't seem like you are following. I guess I lost you. It's fine, I think I'm just venting. I think I'm just nervous. You see, I'm writing this book, and it's slightly based on real events. Real tragic events that happened to a dear friend of mine, and I am slightly terrified that when I ask her to read it, that I am going to upset her. I am finding my lack of sensitivity is just a narrowing of my compassion that needs to be directed toward the people who deserve it the most. Death is not a funny subject, but I have learned a lot through out the losses in my life, and I really want this to be perfect. I want to write this novel, be content with my capabilities, all while walking on the eggshells of a stigma I have less compassion towards than most. I am only preaching Acceptance. Acceptance of the things we cannot control in this world. Is that a decent moral? I think it is. I guess we'll see. I'm already half way done, there's no going back.

I think I will be okay when I'm 40... if I am allowed to turn these, and future insecurities into films and cast myself in the films along side beautiful actresses half my age... Man, Woody Allen is a genius.

-Mo

1/11 A.K.A. TMI

I am back to work on my novel. I got a new computer five days ago. After uploading all of my music, and photos I had no more excuses and dived head first into something with the working title of 'Phoenix'. It will definitely not be called that, but I am struggling with a title, I'm thinking it will be taken from a line of dialogue yet to be born of my imagination. For now I will work on.

This time last year I was packing my bags for, what would inevitably become, my last tour.

I am now a resident of Brooklyn, 11206 and I am very pleased with the way things have been going since my stabilization. The only real problem I have had since I quit touring has been the recent onslaught of acne on my face. It has gotten out of control.

I have narrowed it down to small amount of new variables that have entered / exited my life in the last 8 months.

1. The copious amount of tea I have been drinking. This is specific, but not exclusive to, the amount of caffeine that has now entered my diet. I have never been a coffee drinker, nor have I ever been that into carbonated beverages (soda, pop, cola et. all) so my skin could just be reacting poorly to this horrible new dependance.

2. My regular diet of pasta, rice and beans, and salty salty meat, occasionally fried in olive oil. Hmmm.

3. The lack of sexual activity in my life. I have no scientific basis for this statement, but it is either a preventative measure on the part of my skin, keeping away the distracting, short term, nonsense-riddled, expensive nature of keeping myself on my social A-Game. I am trying to write a novel after all. The other side of that coin is, maybe my bad skin, is the cause of my lack of sexual activity. Just a hypothesis.

4. Working in a warehouse filled with cardboard. The driest climate in the north east can be found in fred flare warehouse, where I spend 8-9 hours a day packing boxes with tissue paper. I'm trying to keep hydrated the best I can, but tea is so much warmer, and palatable than water in the winter.

Maybe I should just see a dermatologist. I do have health insurance now. The perk of working a salaried position, something I never had on tour.

And speaking of health insurance, I just watched SiCKO by Michael Moore. I am surrounded by a wide variety of opinions on the school of Mr. Moore, so I will sit on my own view points at the risk of making anyone angry, but it was surprisingly the most optimistic of his films, and it made me realize how little about living in America I am truly dependent on, except for maybe the language barrier. Watch it, please and form your own opinion.

Mo

Simplify '09

My computer died on election day. It was simulataneously a very liberating, and frustrating event. My job was snowballing into the holiday season, so all that social networking, and blogging i was doing would have been put on hold for the most part anyway...

okay, maybe not, but the novel I was writing on the laptop would certainaly have been, and hence, was. frustrating.

liberating? believe it or not, being free of the clutches of the internet makes you realize how little you actually need the internet. Okay, so I still had my blackberry, and it's lovely facebook application, but it's not the same.


I still don't have a computer, but it is the first day of 2009, and I am about to check out of a Hotel in downtown Austin, TX, and saw the computer lab (business center?) I am down here for NYE, and like a good tour manager would, I have to go be the bearer of bad news and wake up my friends who only went to bed about three hours ago, to get on the road to the airport.

It's only natural that I be the one to do this I suppose. I just learned that people are who they are, and don't really change. I spent the better part of the eve talking with a psych major about the rigid system in which people are categorized. I am apparently an ENFJ or an ENFP? I have to do the research, I had a few drinks, all I can remember is that the E stands for extravert. She pegged me on this, because I danced with her. The other letters defined my abilities (capabilities?) as a "mentor"... tour manager... mentor? Sure, I'll take it.

I am going to purchase a fresh new personal computer tomorrow, the second day of this year, and get back into writing, and communicating, and being a normal person.

One more tangent. I spent last new years eve with two good friends Laura (Texas) and Nash Breen, and in a slightly inebriated moment of clarity, I became a part of the resolution "Freedom '08". I don't know if I lived it to it's true definition, but I'd like to think 2008 was an excersize in freedom. I moved into my first apartment since 05, I started taking care of myself instead of others for a living, I got my heart broken for the first time (not the freedom I was looking for, but i've learned to be grateful for it's occurance.) This year, somehow, I managed to end up with Nash and Tex again around the end of the year, and witnessed the birth of "Simplify '09". I don't know what it means just yet, but let's chronicle this year, and see if i'm capable of following through.

Happy New Year, everyone.